he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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