D3 body, D1 cock
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and she was petting her beer can
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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