I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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