My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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