i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
