seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize