Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
