he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
