I love black thongs
I wish my penis had an off switch
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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