First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
