every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
