shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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