Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
