how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
