you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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