We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
