Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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