Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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