just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
