Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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