just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
