Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
