After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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