i think my tv is drunk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
