I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
