When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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