I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
