ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
