I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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