Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
