i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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