Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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