that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
