I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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