it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
