what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
