Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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