and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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