her vagine was all disorganized.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
