I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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