Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
