Will you blow on my dice?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
