I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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