I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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