Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
