Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
