you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
