Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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