well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
