I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
