I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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