Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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