loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
