It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
