Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
