shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
