Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
