Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
