nut hugger
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
