You're earring is so big in my mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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