3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
