all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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