You're my little dorito
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Randomize
