It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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