It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
