Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
