omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
