She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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