she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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