I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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