Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
