You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize