I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
