He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
