YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
