genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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