i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
