not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
