Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
