After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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