bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize