i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
