Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Barsexuality is the new black.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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