Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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