Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
