The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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