he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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