I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
