I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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