I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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